I can't recall when I first gained a knowledge for myself that
Joseph Smith was actually the person who he and others said he was. I sat
through many lessons and discussions with my parents and church leaders that
taught me about him. Although I don't remember, I'm sure the beginnings of my
belief started there. Those feelings solidified more when I was 12. My
Grandpa and I went on a road trip from California to the east coast. Along the
way we stopped at church history sites in Nauvoo, IL (where Joseph moved the
Church to escape persecution), Carthage, IL (where Joseph Smith was jailed and
killed), Fayette, NY (where the Church was organized) and Palmyra, NY (where
Joseph Smith lived while a youth and where he had his vision). I remember the
quiet solemnity and the peace that I felt standing in that Sacred Grove where
Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. Even at 12 I knew I was
standing on holy ground. Every time I sang (and sing) the hymns, "Joseph
Smith's First Prayer" and "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" (a
hymn beloved by the Prophet Joseph and one of my favorite too) I felt and
still feel something course through me reminding
me of the truth of that sacred event and the good man the Prophet Joseph was.
About 8 years ago I was a leader of a Church youth group which spent a year
studying Joseph Smith. I gained additional respect and love for Joseph Smith
during that year as I contemplated all that he was able to accomplish during
his short life. To think that he could have organized a church, received
constant and continual revelation on how to administer it, built temples,
restored sacred truths, led saints, prophesied and discussed doctrine,
translated and printed a book that could stand the test of time and bring
others to know Jesus Christ, restored sacred rituals and truths, and
courageously testified to all that he had seen and done whilst moving,
losing children and friends, being jailed and mobbed, being sorely persecuted,
taking care of his family, trying to fund (sometimes failing) the Church and
provide for his family.
Not too long ago though, in spite of all that I have ever felt and known, I came across a comment board that troubled me. The commenter listed all the vile things he believed Joseph Smith was. The list was somewhat lengthy and I knew that whoever this commenter was that he believed he had "proof" for each of the things he listed. I didn't doubt that he did. I thought about this for a minute and wondered what was to be done. I knew if I pressed forward looking for where they got their information I would most definitely find it, but was it really true? And if there was some truth to it, was it the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Probably not. Still I felt a shadow had been cast upon a Prophet that I respected and loved and who I believed was a good man, one called of God to restore truth. I couldn't just live with this apparent discrepancy and ignore my feelings, but I also knew if I tried to "look it up" on the internet or anywhere else (newspapers from the day, etc) I wouldn't necessarily get true answers either. I almost felt silly praying to God about this as I knew I had gained a testimony of Joseph Smith already. But, being honest with myself and with Him I wanted to reconcile how I felt and I knew this was the only course of action available to me.
For, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." James 1:5.
Like Joseph himself I lacked knowledge and needed answers. I prayed for help and felt impressed afterward to read Joseph Smith's History - an account of Joseph's life and the history of the organization of the church. I thought that if I could read his words and feel the power of them I may feel different. I had read his testimony dozens of times before, but this time, within the first few words I felt my prayer answered and I knew why I felt directed to read Joseph's history. Yes, I felt the power of his words and the honesty of his voice, but the first verse of his history (which you can read here) caught me off guard as my answer was emblazon in the text:
"1 Owing to the many reports which have been put in circulation by evil-disposed and designing persons, in relation to the rise and progress of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, all of which have been designed by the authors thereof to militate against its character as a Church and its progress in the world—I have been induced to write this history, to disabuse the public mind, and put all inquirers after truth in possession of the facts, as they have transpired, in relation both to myself and the Church, so far as I have such facts in my possession.
2 In this history I shall present the
various events in relation to this Church, in truth and righteousness, as they
have transpired, or as they at present exist, being now [1838]
the eighth year since the organization of the said Church."
My
heart and mind was put at ease almost immediately. Of course there
would be reports negative about Joseph Smith. These "reports"
would have been published and publicized, so looking into public records
of newspapers to search for truth would have amounted to information but not
necessarily the truth. Therefore, there is little to go on as to what really is
true and what isn't. And while there could be some truth to some of the
allegations, without being a witness to his life it would be impossible to
determine what the whole truth was.
I also noticed how Joseph Smith does not exalt himself in his history. He admits to some of his foibles and explains some of his weaknesses - all of which critics have used to defame his name.
His
history also reminded me how early persecution and false speaking of the
Prophet began. Read vs.
21-28
More than anything I was reminded of the singular and beautiful
event that happened in a grove of trees where an honest boy sought for absolute
truth. Re-reading for the hundredth time (so it feels) proved to me again that
God answers prayers and is concerned with our worries. He was concerned with
Joseph Smith's and he was concerned with mine. He'll direct us and help us know
for ourselves what is really true and what we can let go of and not worry
about. Did Joseph Smith have flaws? Of course, but does that change
what he did and what he saw? No. A simple prayer caused a movement that has not
been stopped since its inception and in spite of all the Christian sects who
have been unified in derailing it and who have examined Joseph Smith under a
microscope for the last 200 years . Each of us have flaws, questions,
insecurities, and worries. When we pray we will feel inspiration to know where
to go or how to find the answers that bring us real peace. When we act on that
inspiration we will understand important things. My answers this time came
quickly, but I have sought for answers about some things for years as I have
tried to work them out in my heart and mind. The answers will come if we are
patient. Now, if I find myself in a place where I read negative comments
about Joseph Smith, I feel confident in who he was - a good man, doing the best
he could with the means and abilities he was given, a Prophet of God who saw
God and Jesus Christ and established Christ's Church upon the earth again
today.
